​​The dust has settled after my amazing experience in Nashville. My first national conference as an official attendee was an amazing blur of uplifting and renewing sessions on a whole range of topics. However, it was my very last session on my very last day in music city that left me shook. The workshop was called “Plead with parents; End the technology distraction!” and frankly, I was feeling a little cocky. I am aware of the potential dangers of children being over-exposed to screen time and our children have reasonably limited use, they do not have iPads and extremely minimal access to our phones.

Let me tell you, I fell off that high-horse I rode into the workshop on real quick. They asked how often we interrupted our children’s “hilarious jokes” (You know the ones…. Them: “Why did the chicken cross the road?” Us: “Why?” Them: “Purple!”- cue uncontrollable laughter) to look at who texted us or called us. They told us to count how often we press PLAY instead of having a conversation or how many phone calls could wait until AFTER drop-off instead of during it. I thought about the drop-off line at school, where if we are there early we need to wait in the car for a few minutes until I can drop-off Jack. Those two minutes are generally spent scrolling Facebook while I look up (sometimes not even bothering to do that) as I yell at Jack and Sadie to stop bugging each other. They don’t listen, I get irritated and all of our days start on the wrong foot. The presenters had us take inventory of how many minutes, while our children are present, that we are clicking away on our email, scanning social media, and giving real time updates to our followers instead of engaging with our kids. How often we let our kids compete with technology while we say “just a minute” because scrolling through a highschool frenemies posted photos from their tropical vacation which is critical because we have to check to be sure we are aging better than they are. The struggle is real—do we interact with our children or binge watch Grays? As all of us parents in the audience started to squirm in our seats, they plead with us to be gentle with ourselves and to keep judgement to a minimum. Parenting is hard. Distractions hit us from every direction all the time. Most of them we cannot control. Technology? That is one that we have some ability to minimize.  

They began by explaining how the brain is a social organ that needs connection and how we are often denying our children the chance to fully connect. We are giving them the a perfect storm of bad--- we are physically present, preventing them from developing autonomy, yet in state of constant distraction. The details are available to peruse in my conference notes, but to summarize a bit, we are causing our children lasting harm by not zoning in on them. Their speech is delayed, we are hurting their ability to create positive relationships, we are not teaching them social and emotional skills, there is a lasting family divide created and undesired behaviors seeking attention are multiplied significantly. We will project our negative feelings about something we are reading on to our children, feeling anger and being short with them even though it is really drama online causing us angst. There are studies that show distracted parents put their children at risk for being negative human beings that have trouble coping with reality. One of the examples that was talked about during the session involved a study with children running around a baseball diamond. Half the time they asked the parent to be tuned in to what was going on- body turned towards the field, engaging with their child when they looked towards them, not distracted. The other half of the time they were asked to be closed off completely looking at their phone. The times where the parent was distracted the children showed less coordination (tripping and stumbling more) and ran at slower rates than the times that the parents were engaged.

I thought about it a lot over the next several hours. I got off that plane (you know, the one we exited on the tarmac in the pouring rain before running up and down about 87 escalators across three miles of airport to catch our connecting flight) and decided I would start with drop-off. Holy moly, it was magic. Within days, I noticed a tremendous change in Jack’s behavior and my reaction to it. My temper wasn’t nearly as quick to flare and he was too busy telling me all sorts of things about the kids who could see on the bus and about what he was looking forward to during the day that it was actually one of the most enjoyable few minutes of my day. I wish I could tell you cutting back on technology use around the kids have eliminated attention seeking behaviors but that’s just a dirty lie—they are still competing for my attention from so many things; other people, my to-do list, adult tasks they can’t assist with, fatigue… they may still be overtired, or hangry or just sick of being “good”. I will tell you that in the few weeks since I have decided to step away from the keyboard during breakfast, not a single email recipient has complained that I didn’t respond in a timely enough manner and I have started my days learning about my children’s crazy dreams and counting down days until every possible event (“Mom, how many days until Christmas time? How many days until we go to swim lessons? How many days until Gracie poops in the potty?”) with a much better attitude because they aren’t “interrupting me” from the more important things, they ARE the more important things.
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I am not saying I am completely disconnected when my kids are around. Not even close. I am being more aware though. Like many, my phone is my camera, and pictures are important. However, I am going to capture that moment, then put my phone away and LIVE in it. Dinner is a no-phone zone. I am making a conscious effort to help foster their social/emotional development, their speech and conversation skills and most importantly (if I am being truthful) I am just really tired of the negative behaviors and acting out for attention. Plus, I want them to want to hang out with me when I am old and gray(er)—building family loyalty now so I have someone to rake my yard for free later on J.  So, today I will take another baby step towards off-line parenting and instead of checking my phone while I am waiting for my kids to find their notoriously missing ‘other shoe’, I will do as my husband does and sneak off to the bathroom to use Facebook.

     While I always have been concerned about food dyes, additives, and chemicals- I find that the older I get, the more informed I get, and the more involved I want to become in providing quality food for the children in my care as well as my grandchildren.  That is why the hour and a half I spent with Chris Gavigan (co-founder) of The Honest Company, was jaw dropping  informative.  While I have read, and heard of the "damage" and "warnings"......it didn't really hit me until I heard some of the startling realities presented before me.
     Environments have a HUGE effect of developing human growth, and we need to be aware that big companies spend HUGE money on blocking the media.  The Honest Co. is just one of many companies trying to go up against this big company/big money.  Their mission is:  To inspire and empower people to live a healthy life.  Their guarantee is that they will not put any chemicals into their products that are questionable​.
     Did you know that autism, allergies, childhood cancers- all can be traced back to toxic chemicals found in household products we use ever single day.  Lets also look at these statistics:  Kids cancers jumped 35% between 1975-2012.  Asthma was up 158% between 1980-2012​, 1 in 10 elementary school children have an asthma diagnosis, 400% jump in autism between 1995-2015.  75-80% of all childhood cancers are environmental.  These statistics just blow me away....WE are doing this to our children.
     Most chemicals are tested on a 180 pound man as a "test dummy"....a child is not even close to that size- no wonder their little bodies are affected so much more severely.  The window of most vulnerability is birth to age 5- which makes sense developmentally.
     Did you know that if you ate an organic diet between Monday a.m. to Friday p.m. (not counting the weekend)- your urine shows 95% less toxins.  60% of what goes on skin gets into the blood stream without 5 minutes.  Acute exposure is like pesticides, chronic exposure is like lead in the water.
     How about this- there are 84,000 chemicals that have been "approved" for use in products we use daily, but only 1% of them have been tested for safety.  Or that if you list "fragrance"- it doesn't have to be tested/listed AT ALL!  741 BILLION pounds of chemicals come into OUR COUNTRY every day from other countries where they are not permitted.  Europe has banned 1300 toxic chemicals from coming from the U.S., while we use all but 8 in our own country!  The Honest Co. has 3000 additional (4300) chemicals they ban.
     There are 287 industrial chemicals and pollutants found in the average newborn umbilical cord (yes, before they have taken their first breath).  In that sparkling new nursery they are coming home to- well, 300 toxic chemicals are found.​​​ Scary and sad.
     The top 10 toxins:
1. Pesticides  2. Lead  3.  Formaldehyde  4.​​ Phethalates  5. Sodium hypochlorite  
6.  Triclosan/triclorocarbon  7. BPA/BPS  8.  Flame Retardants  9.  Air Fresheners  
10.  PFC.   (found in everything from plastic bottles/bags/nipples we feed/store baby food in, shampoos, furniture, toiletries, etc.
What can we do?
1.  Safe cleaning- swap bleach out.
2.  Safe personal care items.
3.  Toys and equipment- use REAL (wood, sand, etc.) -that foam product that you are seeing under new playground equipment- just chopped up TOXIC tires/plastic.  NOT SAFE.
4.  Your buildings.  Use non toxic paint.  Open the windows to ventilate year round.
5.  Get rid of fragrance, potpourri, candles, sprays.
6.  Avoid plastics 3, 6, & 7.  NEVER reheat in plastic.
7.  Opt for healthy foods- organic, non-GMO  Avoid sugar, sodium, dyes.
(Red 40 dye is the worst!!!!!  Europe has a ban on ALL food dyes)
8.  Go fragrance free- over 3000 chemicals to make "scent".  Use essential oils.
9.  Ventilate.
10.  Keep dust down.  Wet mop/cloth to pick it up.
11. Sanitize safely.
While none of us can do every single thing different in a day.  Pick one or two that you can commit too, and grow from there.  Let's work together for a safer tomorrow for our children.  ​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ ​
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     Such an easy word, and such an easy thing to do....but frankly I'm beginning to worry that it is becoming a lost art.  I get that I'm old....56 ....and that times are changing- but becoming less social as a society is NOT going to prove to be an asset.  Being greeted by a look in the eye, a kind word or a touch on the arm, or just a smile can move mountains.  Colleges are no longer looking for the "smartest" applicants, and employers are looking for people who can communicate more than what their resume looks like.  The ability to socialize- to ask questions, to listen, to voice your opinion, to soothe, to apologize, to make someone feel comfortable.  It all begins with a smile.  As adults I believe that it is our obligation to teach our children (starting as babies) the importance of looking people in the eye and acknowledging them.  How you ask?  By doing it yourself.  Smile at the people you meet in the grocery stop, offer to help a neighbor, do something kind for someone you don't know, say thank you- in front of your children.  Don't make it a big deal (sort of defeats the purpose) and put it all over face book, or brag about "your kindness" to your child or anyone that will listen.  Make it so a part of your every day life that you don't even realize when it is happening.  Your child will see you over and over and over.....and they will "get it" without you saying a word.  
     A couple of weeks ago I took my grandson to Smiling Hill Farm (third visit in a month....just love that place!!!).  Being a social child by nature, the first thing he did was run to a group of three children and three mothers.  The children - in all there innocence were doing what children do (when we adults don't stick our noses in)- playing.  In the five minutes we were together, these adults did not acknowledge me or Jack.....like we were invisible.  Worse yet- they didn't even acknowledge their own children....they kept on talking and herding them on.  Not a single smile.....when the adults were ready, they took their childs hand (still never making eye contact with them) and just pulled them away.​  Much to Jacks dismay I walked in another direction, just blown away by the "encounter".  Luckily, as a gift from heaven to restore my faith in mankind, the next group we met was much different.  These two moms (one obviously more "social" than the other) BOTH spoke to Jack, smiled at me, talked with their children about what each of them were doing, let the children play and allowed them the chance to make "friends".  Looking at the group of five children we encountered that day- I have no doubt which ones enjoyed their day more and experienced how to be friendly.  To those mom's and dad's- hats off to you!  
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     Unplug and be present- these seem to be the buzz words of this generation.  While cell phones and social media are a fun convenience for most of my generation, they are a way of life for parents today.  From pictures being taken and shared all over the world in a nanosecond, to using online tutorials for everything from child rearing to craft projects.  What could possibly be wrong with technology?  Well, LOTS!  Mostly it is the quantity of time spent on these "phones", and the quality of family time lost that concerns me.  
     Today you are hard pressed to find a person under 35 that is not glued to their telephone.  It is with them at all times, it is the first thing that is checked in the morning, and the last thing they look at when the close their eyes for bed.  They rely upon it for news, weather, facts, socialization, gossip, "original" ideas, schedules, etc., basically they can barely remember how they functioned without it.  The cost for this convenience is not cheap- yet most would give up food before thinking of "un-plugging". There are "app's" for absolutely everything- no need to cut coupons, watch shows or go to weight watchers.  Some of these app's "ding" when a team scores a goal, or when a friends has uploaded to Facebook.   Sounds like heaven huh?  Well, not so fast.
      My first indication that this may be a problem in my own life came several years ago during a trip to Boston with my children (all young adults).  These "kids" have always been the best of friends and had NO PROBLEM talking.....in fact any one that knows us can attest to the fact that you are hard pressed to get a word in edgewise with them. On this day, I walked back from the bathroom and found all three on their phones, not a peep to each other!  That was when it hit me- and the beginning of our "no phone zone" family policy.  While there were lots of grumbles, they now will remind each other (often).  I honestly hope they keep doing it forever, and with their own children.  What are "no phone zones"?  I'd think every family would make up their own- what matters to them.   For me, it is when we are together as a group (a rarity), on a family vacation, holiday, special meal, etc. I feel that it is a way of saying "you, the people who are with me right now are important, you are not going to be here forever, or even in a few hours.  I want to hear what you say, or I want to be able to see your face when you tell me a story.  I want you to feel valued, and in return I want you to value me".  I can do what ever I want to, and so can you- when this situation changes.  Does it work always?  No.  Will I continue to try?  Yes.  Because it matters- family matters.
     Be present?  Yes, to be present means more than physically being next to a person.  To be present you can't be doing something else while going through the motion of being with your child (or anyone for that matter).  I dropped by the ball field last week and as I was searching out the bleachers, I can't tell you the number of adults that were on their telephones.  Do you think your child doesn't see you?  How about when they are telling you about their day, playing in the yard, or going to the beach.....are you actually WITH them?  Are you talking, laughing, telling stories, or are you on your phone? You don't need to be a rocket scientist- and I can guarantee your child knows when you are distracted. In a discussion at an early childhood meeting last month, a young mother pointed out that all their child wants to do in the car is watch a movie or that when they are together the child doesn't talk to them.  My suggestion is to keep trying- keep talking- keep being present.  If this child has been "ssshhh"ed since they were born, they have learned that the best way for mutual happiness is to get the attention from something/somewhere else and let the adult deal "with more important things".  Or maybe you know they other kind of child, those children that are just so wanting and needing of your attention that they are willing to misbehave to get your attention, because negative attention is better than no attention.  
     So be mindful- I'm not asking you to give your phones away, just be sure to give that living breathing human next to you the most precious gift of all- the gift of time. Your time. You will be amazed at how their language, their self worth, their happiness (and yours), and their social skills will improve with conversation.  
     
     

     About fifteen years ago I took a 35 hour training program offered by The Center for Grieving Children in Portland Maine, (207-775-5216). Their motto is "Grief hurts.  The Center Can Help".  They offer support and information over the phone, peer support groups, community outreach and education, and a lending library. I can not praise them enough- what they do- from giving a grieving parent the right words to use with their children, to giving children a place to just "play" with kids who are going through the same thing, to offering support to an entire school when tragedy strikes, they offer an amazing support system- free of charge.  Last week I signed up for a two hour "update" class, to see what has changed and also to refresh myself.  I'm happy the report the facility in Portland has grown leaps and bounds, and they now have an outreach center right in Sanford.  Along with the traditional grief support when someone dies, they now offer a program called "Tender Living Care", which helps support families coping with serious illness.  Please be sure to recommend these services to anyone you hear of that may be in need.
     There are all types of grieving that is done in a persons life.  While we often think of how these changes affect adults, we need to realize that grief affects everyone.  With children it is important to remember that depending on their age, their developmental level, their understanding of the situation and their level of experiences to draw on, the grief can appear minimal, or it can truly be devastating. During this blog we are going to focus on the preschool child.  There are many levels of grieving- when a favorite toy breaks, a vacation is over, a friend moves away, a child changes daycare, or a family divorces. Today we are going to talk a bit about the grieving when someone dies.  While as adults we see this as probably the major reason for grieving, it is important to note that most preschoolers have the same reaction to any of the above.  It is not until about the age of 6 that children learn that death is irreversible.
     At the preschool developmental level, children have no experience to draw from regarding death.  They take everything for "face value".  They are often told that "heaven is beautiful", and "filled with beautiful angels".  They are told that there is no more suffering, and that is where people go when they die.  So why would they be upset or scared or sad?  Its like you told them that Grampa went to Disney.  They know he is gone, to a place that sounds nice, but they have yet to have the experience that they don't eventually come back.  Be sure to use words that preschoolers understand- Grampa didn't "pass",  he didn't "go to rest", he didn't just fall asleep and didn't get up, or we didn't "lose" him (think about what THAT sounds like to a preschooler)...Grampa died. You can explain how he died in language that they understand, but often they won't even ask at that age.   Remember, the only death they have witnessed is often cartoons where death is reversible.  The reactions you see are often in confusion to the child seeing the adults around them behaving in ways that are not typical.  Why is mom crying?  Why is no one reading me a bedtime story?(There are many books that deal with the life cycles.)  Why is everyone to busy to play with me?  It is in response to these changes that you sometimes see clingy or regression in behavior. Maintain as much structure and routine as possible. Rituals are critical as is time for them to unwind and have fun.  Get them back to as much of their norms as possible. Let them ask questions, give them the most basic answer using simple words to explain that you can- that is all they are looking for, or able to understand.  
     Through the years I have seen many children deal with death- from the loss of a beloved pet, to a grandparent to the tragedy of losing both parents.  Preschool children are remarkably resilient given the right tools.  Being in a "family" child care business, I have had the children experience "first hand" the loss.  Thirty three years ago my mother died suddenly at 57.  One day she was on a field trip with us, the next day she was gone.  For the last three years my father has lived in my home.  While the children didn't have a lot of contact with him, they waved and talked to him at lunchtime, and brought him special treats from home or during birthdays.  They understood what dementia did to his brain, and how as he was forgetting more, we had to watch out for him more.  I closed for a week before his death, and the parents told the children that grampa was getting ready to die, and that I wanted to be there so he wasn't alone.  They all got that.  The day after his funeral I braced myself for what may come- "out of the mouths of babes".  All I heard was "so I heard Grampa died".  There was no hugging, no looking at me with sad eyes, no pain.  Just matter of fact- sharing something they knew.  Three days later we had to be upstairs while they removed my fathers bed and oxygen machine.  While my stomach was turning at the finality, I was also preparing myself to answer some tough questions.  But it didn't happen- while I explained that the man was coming to get "Grampa's bed", a little girl piped up and told everyone "Yeah, they have lots of beds in heaven, Grampa doesn't need to take it with him".  "Like a hotel".  Then the same little girl said "they are sending it to Maine, because they don't have enough beds there".  And that was it......nine children content and happy with the knowledge.  How blessed I am to have had them to go through this journey with- they have "kept it real".  
     I'd like to end with a story of my grandson Jackson- not quite two years old.  Jack is non verbal- but understands everything, and gets his point across by grunting, pointing and facial expressions.  Since his birth, Gramp has been a part of Jacks daily routine as he came here in the afternoons.  In the last few months, as care for Grampa increased it always amazed me that Jack (his nickname is Tornado Jack)  would instinctively sit still for as long as it took me to deal with Gramp.  He'd sit and watch, not making a peep.  On the day of his death, Grampa's Italian nurse came to say goodbye, and she told us to be sure to "open the window" when he passed, so that the spirit could exit quickly.  That evening- as we all were there to witness Gramps last breath, we quickly opened the window- then later questioned how long we should leave it open etc.  Through all of this time, Jack sat in his chair and just watched everything.  Never making a peep.  Two days later he was over and walked into Gramps room pointing towards the bed "Old Grampa died, didn't he Jack".....then he quickly points to the window.....    

By now I'm sure your favorite little one has begun to tell you all the "wants" on their "Dear Santa" lists.  Gone are the days when the Sears catalog came in and we spent days upon days going over it from cover to cover making our "lists".  These days, with advertisements on their favorite programs, (every five seconds)- their lists are often comprised with those things that are advertised the most. The company with the most spending money for advertising, will be this years "must have".  For the preschool set- this year.....let me just tell you that I'm sure every little girl in America will request something from "Frozen" under the tree!  While the latest craze, and getting your special child the exact gift they THINK they want (you know, the one with all the bells and whistles....the one their friends all have) are fine  and dandy if that's what you choose.  But if you, like me, think that IPADs that cost hundreds, dolls that cost nearly that much, and an elementary school child having a telephone that costs more than their parents is getting a bit crazy- I offer you a few suggestions for the preschoolers on your list.  
-Aim to get them outside all winter!  Do they have a sled, skates, ski's, snowshoes, boots, a couple snowsuits, proper mittens and hats (several)?  (P.S. make sure Mom and Dad have the same- they'll want to have fun WITH you!)  They don't have to be new- Play It Again Sports, yard sales, Goodwill, ask your friends, and Craiglist are all awesome places to start.  
-And still outside the rest of the year!!  Tricycles, bicycles, scooters, rakes, shovels, wheelbarrows, wagons, buckets, sidewalk chaulk, stuff to dig in the dirt.  Kites, frisbee's, balls.
-Art Boxes.  Fill it with an apron, crayons, markers, colored pencils, a pencil sharpener, FISCAR good scissors, glue bottle, glue stick, paper, hole puncher, stapler, tape, stickers, etc.  Let them know it has "rules" and has to be used correctly (at the table, etc.) and safely.
-Blocks and things to build with.  Lincoln logs, tinkertoys, poploids, Knex, things that can be used over and over with different outcomes.  How about little people, cars, trucks and trains.  
-Dolls.  Raggedy Ann type dolls, baby dolls, Barbie dolls, teddy bears, stuffed animals.....any kind of toy that they can give a personality too and play with. For baby dolls, try to get the size that can wear preemie real baby outfits- a whole lots cheaper than buying doll clothes.
-Dress up clothes.  A container filled with boa's and hats and other things so that they  can play "make believe".  Old costumes, Salvation Army finds, fabric, scarves, jewelry, Marden's $1.00 sequined shoes.  Doesn't have to be new, or expensive.  
-Puzzles (Doug & Melissa floor puzzles are great- 3/4 year olds are capable of doing 24 piece, 4/5 year olds can do the 48 piece ones- these hold up GREAT).  Lauri also has crepe rubber smaller puzzles that are wonderful.  Also books are a great gift.
-The gift of a "memory".  A coupon or letter explaining that you will be taking them on a fun outing (York's Wild Kingdom, Santa's Village, Storyland, the movies, Disney on Ice, etc.) and what the "coupon" is good for.  What time will you be getting them, what they will do EXACTLY- maybe put a flyer or a menu in.  Then take lots of pictures for them to remember and show their friends.  They will have you read and re-read it a million times!  
You will notice that I did not include anything that plugs in, runs on batteries, has a label "educational" (although they all are!), or needs a charger.  Nothing telling them what to push, when to push it, or a bell ringing when they did it right.  Nothing walks, talks or pee's by itself.  Go back to your favorite toys as a child.....don't get caught up in the hype of the season.  Be sure to start a tradition, make some cookies, snuggle with hot cocoa (with TWO marshmallows), and enjoy every single second of this season.  They will only be this magical wonderful age for such a short time.  

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If you have children, chances are you have heard about the value of "process over product" many times- but do you really know what it means?  (Don't feel bad, most people don't!)  Let me start off by saying- if you drop your child off every day and tell them to "make a nice picture for Mommy" or focus solely on what your child brings home, you are setting yourself up to be a "product" parent.  If, when visiting preschools, you were thrilled to see that there were 15 perfect cut apples with the leaves all in the same exact spot, not a single picture different from the others.....in a 3 year old classroom- its fair to say you are "product driven".  Sure that your child would be the next Picaso....like the students who's work was displayed.  The problem with that you say?  Well, lets start with most three year olds are not able to even HOLD a pair of scissors, much less cut on the lines!  And using the right amount of glue- or knowing what side of the paper to glue it on?  You get the picture......there are plenty of preschools out there that cater to "product loving parents".  There are plenty of great teachers who know that what they are doing isn't in the best interest of the child, educational, or even good practice.....why do they do it?  Because parents want it.  Parents expect it.  I have to ask myself why?  Why would a parent want a pre-cut, pre-glued, pre-placed, perfect work of art that the teacher made?  Do they really think their child (the one that can't even wipe their own bottoms).....suddenly becomes a creative wizard once they walk through the doors?  What they should wonder is "Was my child even AT the table when this was made?"  I can't help but wonder if this could  be why so many school age children claim that they can't "draw" or do art projects....have they already got the message that unless its "perfect",  nothing less is good enough?  That is so sad to me.....to deny a child the joy that comes from creation, the joy that comes from making something themselves....to deny a child the ability to believe in themselves.  What can we do?  How can we "fix" this mess.....how do we become "process" people?   The first step is being realistic in what your child knows.  Can they pick up scissors?  Do they know how to hold them?  Can they follow directions ("cut on the line").  The first attempts at "cutting" will usually be a paper cut into zillions of pieces, or little chopped edges - the lines won't matter to them- they are just THRILLED that they can make scissors cut.  Once they get more practice, then you'll see perhaps a cut out that is missing an arm or leg- signs that they were cutting, but haven't gotten the "paper turning with the alternate hand" theory yet.  Praise their ability to use the scissors, "hey great cutting"  "wow look how much your cutting has improved, you can almost cut on the lines".  If they are using gluesticks- see if you can see it?  Do they get the idea that you need to glue the "backside, and flip it over"....that is a big concept.  Are they bringing home a paper that is nothing but dried glue?  Comment that you see they must really like to use a glue stick.  Once their cut up and glued pieces have a "theme", check to see if they "get it".  If they are making a person.....are the eyes on the feet?  If so, they didn't really know what they are doing- ask them if they had fun cutting and gluing.  Remember projects, art work and creative outlets should be FUN.  If a preschooler is getting frustrated because their work isn't "perfect", be sure to take the pressure off them.  Make sure that they have the "tools" to learn- Fiskar Scissors, glue sticks, glue bottle, paintbrushes, paper, crayons, markers.  Give them a place to do artwork at home (the table ONLY) and rules to follow ("these are real scissors, if you put them in your mouth, you are going to bleed")  Practice builds confidence.  Confidence builds self worth.  THAT is what we want for our children.......the process of gaining new skills and pride in themselves.  The next time one of your friends shows you their perfect teacher made apple and you glance at your chopped up piece of paper.....smile to yourself knowing YOU are a great parent.  You know what is important!  

On Saturday I went to an awesome nature conference at Live & Learn Early Learning Center in Lee, N.H.  (can't even begin to tell you what an awesome place this is....Johanna Booth-Miner is a true inspiration and I am so grateful to have gotten to spend the day here!)  It was 9 1/2 hours of being outside and learning so very much. 

My very first session - "Why Organic Choices Are Best"-  was mind boggling.  This was led by Kuerstin Fordham, DC Chiropractor and nutritional coach Megg Thompson ECEMPWT.  Both ladies know their research, and both are "Mom's"- making them the perfect combination of "theory vs. real world".  

While I've long been a nervous nelly about additives and preservatives- food dyes and the such- I have to admit that I am WAY behind in the organic department.  I shudder to think of the things I fed my kids!  Fresh veggies and fruits- homemade baked goods, real meat and potatoes.......fortified cereals.....who knew there were so many other things I should have considered.  For me- I (like most people) didn't choose "organic" mainly because of cost. As Kuerstin was right up front about- if finances were no option, then we should all be eating truly organic.  But we can ALL make small changes to start with.  I sure will be!

Now what is organic?  And why is it so darn important? (I'm going to break it down as to what I came away with.)  Organic refers to the way farmers grow and process fruits, vegetables, grains, dairy and meat. They do not use conventional methods to fertilize, pesticides, or antibiotics.  They practice soil and water conservation and reduce pollution. 

Yes organic foods are more money- but they are time tested and proven safe.  You are getting the vitamins and minerals the food is meant to have.  ("The average potato vs. its organic counterpart- has lost 100% of its Vitamin A, 57% of its Vitamin C and Iron, 28% of its Calcium, 50% of its Riboflavin, and 18% of its Thiamine.  Organic oranges have 30% more Vitamin C than conventional oranges.)  While this is all important to me- what really made me nervous was finding out how much safer organic foods are.
 
Organic foods contain no genetically modified organisms  (GMO). These are things that MAN has created to sustain food longer, grow bigger and be more attractive. "The US Government has allowed, even encouraged, the development and release of many GMO's into our environment and food system."  GMO's haven't been around long enough for us to see the results.  Who knows if they may end up giving us a sixth finger!  All we know, is that "A 2009 study published in Pediatrics suggests that organophosphate pesticide exposure may contribute to ADHD in children.  OP presticide residues are commonly found on non-organic fruits and vegetables like grapes, apples, and green beans."  In studies showing the 7 triggers to negative behavior- the very first is NUTRITION.  

Organic is safer.  There are no growth hormones.  Conventional regulations allow for livestock to get growth hormones to increase the size or rate of animals used for meat or to stimulate milk.  What do these hormones do to the humans that ingest that meat or milk?  There are six natural and artificial growth hormones that pose a potential risk to human health.  "Children, pregnant women, and developing embryos are thought to be most susceptible to negative health effects from added hormones."    No sludge is used in organic farming.  US Government regulations permit sludge (yes, from sewers that has been dried, and heated. ) "used on conventional farms despite concerns about contamination by high levels of heavy minerals, dioxins, and other chemicals from industrial and commercial sources." Remember when most people just flushed their medication? Those most affected?  Unborn babies, infants and children- whose size and the fact that they are still growing make them vulnerable.  No radiation.  Ionizing radiation preserves food and extends shelf life.   Look for a little green circle on meat- with what looks like a plant in brown- it is a law that it has to be on meat that has been radiated.  But who knew- it looks like a plant- leading the consumer to think it is a healthier meat!  No Antibiotics.  US Government regulations permit conventional animals to be treated routinely.  So we are eating antibiotics routinely?  No wonder the "super bugs" are rampant.  No Animal Cannibalism.  US Government regulations allow rendered animals products to be fed to cattle, sheep, and other herbivores as a protein supplement.  No chemical Pesticides.  There are currently NO restrictions on the levels and amounts of pesticides used in conventional farming.  Studies have routinely shown that these pesticides affect the nervous system and are toxic.  (yet we put them on the plants to keep away pests, it rains, these chemicals go into the soil and the plant drinks them.  We eat that plants, so even though we wash the outside- the fruit/vegetable/grain itself is FILLED with toxins.)

As a nation we seem overly concerned with hand washing and germ control. To which our immune systems are not being allowed to work as they were designed. But we need to look "deeper".  Its critical that we practice safe food handling techniques from farm to fork.  But it is also important that we look even deeper. "Food isn't safe if it is contaminated with mercury, bi-phenol from plastics, or antibiotic and hormone residues.  Food ingredients and additives, such as trans fats and artificial food dyes can also pose a food safety risk.  These compounds may not sicken us right away, but instead, can lead to illness over time".

So where do we begin?  What foods are the worst culprits, and which should we try to buy organic?  Apples, strawberries, grapes, celery, peaches, nectarines, spinach, sweet bell peppers, cukes, cherry tomatoes, snap peas, potatoes, hot peppers, and kale.  How many of these are kids favorites?  Very scary stuff.  Is it just coincidence that diagnosis' of ADHD, ADD, Autism and Food allergies/sensitivities are sky rocketing?  I'm thinking not.

For me- I will continue to avoid food additives, preservatives and dyes, but now I will also be looking to see that my meat has NOT been radiated.  I will be buying organic whenever possible.  Small changes.....but our kids deserve a safer tomorrow.

Thank you for your time in filling out this exit survey.  Your honest answers help us adjust our program and fix issues that need addressing.  (the surveys were not signed, and were sealed in a white envelope and then put into a large manila envelope)  Out of 13 families this year, we received 8 replies.


1. When you were signing up for preschool, what would you consider your three most important factors?  (please start w/1 for the most important)

Times available    2, 2      Other children (ages, sex, etc.)              Location 3, 1

Cost   2, 4, 2, 3   Education of the Teacher   7, 3   Teacher Personality 2, 3, 6, 3, 2, 1

Quality Cert. or Accreditation    3, 2, 5       Reputation   1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1       Size 3, 8, 1

Amount of Outdoor Play   9                     Field Trips  10




2.  Where you were searching for preschool, how did you begin?

Ask friends  1,1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1          See Ads               Call state/school    1          

Telephone book                    Web Page 2                        Face book            Rec Ad

Do you have any suggestions for getting the word out when we add longer preschool hours, before-after school programs, vacation week programs, teacher friendly (no pay school vacations/summer, longer hours available on parent teacher workshop days) when Kate comes on board in September 2015?

1.  Keep doing what you're doing, the word will spread by the children and happy parents.

2.  Harbor Playground!  I have told so many moms/grandparents who are new to the area about you.

3.  Ask current parents and former parents to spread word of mouth and definitely use Facebook page.

4.  Facebook to all alumni and current families or emails.

5.  ADVERTISE THAT YOU ARE THE HIGHEST QUALITY RATED PROGRAM IN TOWN!  This is huge!  Why would anyone knowing this take their child to a lower scoring program?? You should be so proud about this, brag!

6.  Does the school provide information to incoming parents who may be looking for care?  Small simple float in a local parade.

7.  Facebook, word of mouth, local newspapers.

8. Facebook- advertise @ Elementary School Friday Folder.




3.  Where you happy with your experience this year? yes  x 7   Most Definitely YES          Was your child? yes x 8

Were all of your expectations met both academically and socially? yes x 6, 5.  Beyond all of those of family and friends that chose other programs. 7.  Above and beyond. 8.  Absolutely.

What is one good thing that you hope we always continue? 1. To make each child feel comfortable and confident. 2.  The fantastic field trips!  3. Not having too many students & field trips.  4. Family parties and outside play.  5. Stay just the way you are- you have an awesome program. Love the reminder emails! 6. Teaching children to be independent problem solvers.  7.  The work, work/play learning environment.

What would you like to see more of?  Improved?  Stopped? 1.  The field trips are great! Love the monthly calendars with all the info, student of the week, lesson of the week, etc.  3.  More late days.  6.  Not sure?  Seems to be a healthy mix of social, emotional, academic & self help :-).  7.  Not being an education professional myself I feel that you have a great grasp on the program.  Definitely interested in the "Dial 4". 8.  More time slots (coming, yay!)




4.  Between the information sheets, session information, handbook, registration, monthly newsletters, updates on the door, Facebook, webpage etc.,- did you always feel like you were given the opportunity to know what was going on? 1.  Definitely, 2. Yes, 3. Yes, without a doubt! 4.  Yes always.  5.  Yes, was always amazed by the clarity.  6.  Yes- always very informative. 7.  I did feel informed.  The only part I had difficulty with was getting my child to recount some of the days events, projects, letters, number, what for lunch.  Some days she could remember bits,  other days nothing.  Stocked it up to age.  8.  Yes.




5.  Were you comfortable with the assessment process and reports? Yes x 6,  7. Yes but I'd like more info about the score (descriptor, percentile) 8. Very.  Do you always feel like you could find a time to talk with me about your child? Yes  x 7, 8. Very. Do you wish I would have mandated nights for parent/teacher conference? 1. No I always felt you took the time daily to keep me updated. 2. No  3. Not really.  4. No  5.  No, I appreciated not having them! 6. No 7. NO! 8. I could go either way.




6.  Parental involvement.  Did you always feel welcome to join us whenever you wanted?  Whether it be to "pop in", attend a party, chaperone a trip, etc.? 1. Yes, thank you!  2. Yes  *You have the magic touch with these kids.  They learn from you, they laugh with you, AND they respect you.  Brilliant work Kim!!!  3.  Yes, always.  4.  Yes, you always make us feel like we are family.  5.  YES, you and your entire family are the greatest blessing we have found in Wells.  The first time I walked in the door I knew you were the right place.  6.  Yes.  7.  Always, one of the things I loved.  Having the opportunity to watch the children interact with one another and you.  The best is that the children are un-phased by the presence of their parents and still listened to your words.  8.  Always.


Wow, reading these always brings tears to my eyes and a humbled heart. While maybe not what I had thought or even hoped- I so appreciate the honest answers and the time you took to give feedback.  It is with these suggestions that we will continue to grow.  I have been truly blessed to work with some of the greatest families around for the last 27 years. 

Source:  National Association for the Education of Young Children

1.  Children spend most of their playing and working with materials or other children.  They do not wander aimlessly, and they are not expected to sit quietly for long periods of time.

2.  Children have access to various activities throughout the day.  Look for assorted building blocks and other construction materials, props for pretend play, picture books, paints and other art materials, and table toys such as matching games, pegboards, and puzzles. 

3.  Teachers work with individual children, small groups and the whole group at different times during the day. 

4.  The classroom is decorated with children's original artwork, their own writing with invented spelling, and stories dictated by children to their teachers.

5.  Children learn numbers and the alphabet in the context of their everyday experiences.  The natural world of plants and animals and meaningful activities like cooking, taking attendance, or serving snack provide the basis for learning activities.

6.  Children work on projects and have long periods of time to play and explore.  Worksheets are used little, if at all.

7.  Children have an opportunity to play outside every day.  Outdoor play is never sacrificed for more instructional time.

8.  Teachers read books to children individually, or in small groups throughout the day, in addition to group story time.

9.  Curriculum is adapted for those who are ahead as well as those who need additional help.  Teachers recognize that children's different background and experiences mean that they do not learn the same things at the same time in the same way.

10.  Children and their parents look forward to school.  Parents feel secure about sending their child to the program. 

Also ask if the program is accredited or affiliated with NAECY or NAFCC.

This article was written by NAEYC- the national leading authority on Early Childhood Education.  As this is the time of year that many parents are thinking about finding the "perfect" preschool for their child- I thought it would make a good starting point for discussion.

Today we live in an Early Childhood Education mecca- there are so many choices for parents;  family members caring for a child, a neighbor watching just a child or two (a license is required for anyone caring for more than two children), family daycares (which can have as little as 4 infants, or as many as 12 school age children- always ask what the ratio of teachers/children is.), nursery schools (can have 12 children, but can not have a program longer than 3 hours), small facilities, to  large mega centers. Some are tax deductible, some provide meals, some offer before and after school care. Its hard for a parent to know which way to turn, and often misinformation abounds.  I personally have found that the more places that open- the more "rumors" are spread, and the less co-operative the programs are. It was never like this, and the new mentality that you need to lie and degrade your competition makes me sad.  Aren't we all in the business of raising children with morals and values?  I truly believe that we each are special and unique in our own way.  Each program in Wells has something different to offer for all of the individual parents.  There isn't one perfect program for everyone.  What is important to you?  Teacher education, experience, provider turnover, small numbers, large numbers, process or product, professionalism, staying clean or getting dirty, transportation, field trips, no field trips, holiday celebrations, hours of operations, program, curriculum, safety record, reputation in the school system and with other providers, nap time, ages, sibling care or discounts, bus stops, shorter days or longer days.  There is so much to consider as a parent.  Opinions of friends is very important and always a good place to start.  But even your best friend may need or want different things, and what if you are new to town?  As we have often heard in the media, things slip through the cracks with licensing.  Even though licensing has helped to put an end to fifteen children in front of a television for 8 hours a day.  So what does a parent do to start the search? One of the best things I can recommend is to go to the State of Maine website (or call them) and get the Quality Rating for places that you are looking into.  While again there are no guarantees, facilities that hold a quality rating have gone the extra mile if you will.  They are measured on education, experience, facility, etc. and in exchange parent get a huge tax incentive for using these programs.  It is a good starting place to plan your visits.  The most important thing you can do is to go with what your heart tells you- you will know when you have found the "right one" and you will never regret giving your child the best start you could.